Accepting grace.

Looking at my planner from the past few weeks, I realized that I hadn't taken a Sabbath since the end of February. It's not that I have an insurmountable amount of work to do each week, but that I have some number of things to do everyday. There is always an email to respond to, a friend to remember and remember to contact, another friend to meet with and influence (harhar), a family member to call and catch up with, a spreadsheet to update, a topic to read up on, a study to start preparing, questions to answer, thoughts to chew on, things to learn and relearn, truths to be reminded of. There is always an hour to plan, a minute to fill, and a second to saturate with productivity. But in the midst of being, or at least appearing, busy, I often forfeit any shallow understanding that my worth isn't based on how much I can do and accomplish. I forget that my value isn't founded on how well I can control myself and my life. If that were the case, I would have self-destructed ten years or so ago. What defeat! How are we to respond to such defeated-ness? Well, we can admit that we have failed and accept it, its consequences, etc. with pride and some form of dignity, or we can admit our defeat and accept it, along with grace, in humility. Sometimes, I think that I would rather gain some victory in retaining my pride than admit that I am wholly defeated and in need of saving grace. How difficult it is to accept the grace that requires a declaration of our utter need for it.